Dear Blog Readers,
I had a restless night by local standards. Cherry and Lolita somehow manage to sleep through the night, getting up to pee and snack only once, but I was up and about, ready for action. So I declared myself to be Sherif Tiffy because I inspected every suspicious corner and item, meowed it into order, or whacked it into attention.
Here is my first Sherifs prowling report:
1. Making strange noises under the bed and meowing loudly when it is pitch dark can scare and wake humans and cats alike, even a half deaf Lolita.
2. Holding a Julius Ceasar monologue in the middle of the living room is boring when there is no audience.
3. Jumping on the bed and sniffing Lolita’s butt several times in the night is not the most effective way to get her to play with me. I tried tapping as well but she just snorted and rolled over.
4. Knocking wine bottles around in the kitchen coerces humans out of sleep and generates a “Tiffy? Tiffy no” from them. What does “NO” mean anyway? I looked it up in my cat dictionary and the word does not exist.
5. Pulling down a charging mobile phone from the table can be noisier than expected. It certainly woke Cherry up. The humans would have preferred if I had not done this at 3:00a.m.
6. Sitting on the bedside table, pushing the iPad aside, staring down into the human’s face and serenading with one of my loud Opera songs at 4:00am was a flop. Not a single applause.
7. We live next to the river, so there are all kinds of new noises here. Twittering birds I know but ducks, coots, crows, and a grey egret named Gerald is mega cool when they are literally right in the backyard! I am told the swans come around once a day but I haven’t spotted those yet,
8. There is plenty of room for improvement in my jumping skills. I am out of practice jumping up to counters. Cherry does it effortlessly, but I keep floundering and landing with a great big flop. Hrmph.
Not to be a show-off or anything, but I did provide police escort to everyone in this house to the kitchen, the bathroom, the conservatory, and made sure all the bowls were collected, the Christmas tree lit, the radio turned on, and cashed in my first cuddles. Bathroom duty is my favourite because I get to do a running commentary while the human sits helplessly on the loo.
Hark! I hear something in the kitchen. Time to play barista!
Tah Tah Dahlings!