This month is definitely not going at all according to plan. As I’ve shared in previous entries, what began as a winter cold turned into something else that spilled over into 2024 and had me avoiding people, light and sound. Today is actually the first day since Christmas that I have music in the background, which I consider a huge step forward.
January 2024 is half over and what have I done with it thus far? Well, I have taken the time to give myself the gift of time and silence. I am struggling immensely with the lack of structure that a job provided which no longer dominates my day and eating schedule. At first, I found myself still adhering to the strict timings, i.e. getting up at 6:30 in spite of the fact that it is the dead of winter and still pitch black at that hour, having lunch at 13:00 and doing whatever household chores after 16:00. Several people told me I was absolutely nuts for doing so, and I ignored them, until I got sick and had to stay in bed longer. The reluctance to separate myself from the security of the warm blankets forced me to reflect on several things, one being the fact that there is no logical reason for me to actually get up before sunrise. The point of quitting the toxic job was to live life on my terms and that begins with embracing the fact that I can create each day differently! It all starts with a gentle start to the morning, having brunch with the cats, which means I don’t need lunch at all, just a small bite to nibble on around sunset.
Two months ago I set aside certain number of hours for studies, followed by a block of writing and if I was inspired, then photography. There was something wrong with all this and it just wasn’t working for me, and lacked focus and depth. The silence for reflection and prayer beckoned me and I listened to the voices within, and tried a different approach altogether. Instead of blocks, I dedicated entire days to a particular “task”, depending on my mood that morning. I began with reading, and caught up with several items on my much-neglected reading list, and by the time I looked up again the sun had long set and it was time to light the evening fire. Wow, the feeling of fulfilment that came over me was so welcome! Rinse and repeat the next day.
Then the photography bug bit me, which is when I played around with the apples and oranges that I shared in the previous entry. Keep in mind that all this is going at a snail’s pace because of the vertigo, but once again the sun set, leaving me completely satisfied with the way the day had transpired. There was a little flutter of renewal within me that was beginning to move past the grief.
Over the weekend I did some house cleaning, but not the physical type. I suppose you could call it digital detox but it came about while scrolling through my list of contacts on my phone and started deleting all the irrelevant entries. Then I cleaned up the photo albums that were taking up far too much memory. This was followed by going through all my email accounts with a fine tooth comb and deleting old, outdated and irrelevant emails. If they have no bearing on the present day and situation then out they went. My golden rule has always been to sort emails into folders by sender and according to year, this way I always know where to find them quickly. I keep all the mails from the previous year for the entirety of the current year before I delete them, unless of course they need to be archived for future reference (legal, insurance, taxation, etc.). Last but not least, I unsubscribed from a lot of newsletters that somehow multiplied and accumulated over the past years. I only read a minute fraction of them anyway, and deleted everything as they arrived and clogged up the inbox. Goodness gracious, this took me almost two days to sort out and it feels as though I was sweeping away a lot of cobwebs in the basement and attic, but that feeling of finally having something that had succumbed to procrastination was so satisfying.
Having done all that, I took on the most difficult task of all – to re-conceptualise the books I have lined up to write, the direction I want to focus on as a freelancer, and l what particular niche will be specialising on with life coaching. The last thing I want to do is set up something just because it’s trendy at the moment, or because that is the logical next step. Many of you reading this have known me for years and know that I always go against the flow and create my own path. If anything, I insist on going against the norm – I’ve done that with my writing, my photography and will do so again with the life coaching. Stay tuned for upcoming milestones that I will be launching.
Bottom line is that I finally getting the hang of this bohemian artist lifestyle, divesting myself of the corporate world and giving wings and voice to my dreams. It is much more difficult than I thought it would be, but I am at peace and have finally let the music back into my life.
FrogDiva Thoughts 