Is it ever really Good-bye?

Categories: a woman's strength · angels in our midst · Existentialism · Family · Mourning · Nostalgia · Photography · Surviving loss · Through Frog EyesLeave a comment

It is almost inconceivable to me that today marks Daddy’s third death anniversary. Three years. Time has flown bye and I feel as though he is still very much around. Perhaps I can no longer pick up the phone and call home to find out what he is up to today, or listen to his stories of the people he visited as a lay minister. Sometimes it was hilarious just to let him ramble on about Mommy’s latest goof-ups. The more I think of death, the more I like the idea of not having a grave anywhere. Now that I…

Her Hands

Categories: a woman's strength · angels in our midst · Existentialism · Family · Mourning · Nostalgia · Photography · Through Frog EyesLeave a comment

We held hands since the the moment I was born, sometime with anger, others with frustration, but always with love. Her hands were the ones that taught me how to play, eat, cook, explore, and fight back. It was her hands I always sought whenever I woke up from all the reconstructive surgeries I underwent in my life. They were always there to comfort me, reassure my soul that all would be well. I miss those hands in mine, telling me some outrageous story or what program she fell asleep on, or even just holding on to me while walking….

Farewell, Dear Jace

Categories: ADMU · Culture Vulture · Existentialism · Family · Jesuit · Mourning · Social Condition10 Comments

On my very first day of class as a college freshman at the Ateneo de Manila University, I met Jason in my English Honours class. We were the chosen ones to learn from the wisdom and brilliance of the late Doreen Fernandez, and were all a bit intimated by life, college, and being an Atenean. I felt completely overwhelmed by the environment, but Jace smiled and introduced himself, making me feel at ease right away. Later on that freshman week, I met two other girls who, together with Jace, irreversibly became pillars of my soul. Together we formed an inseparable…

My Soul Finds Itself Alone

Categories: a woman's strength · Battling depression · Culture Vulture · Existentialism · Mourning · Nostalgia · prayer and photography · Surviving lossLeave a comment

Thy soul shall find itself alone ‘Mid dark thoughts of the grey tomb-stone; Not one, of all the crowd, to pry Into thine hour of secrecy. Be silent in that solitude, Which is not loneliness — for then The spirits of the dead, who stood In life before thee, are again In death around thee, and their will Shall overshadow thee; be still. The night, though clear, shall frown, And the stars shall not look down From their high thrones in the Heaven With light like hope to mortals given, But their red orbs, without beam, To thy weariness shall…

Undas et co

Categories: a woman's strength · Battling depression · Culture Vulture · Existentialism · Midlife Crossroads · Mourning · Nostalgia · Photography · prayer and photography · Religion and Faith · Social Condition · Traveler's TalesLeave a comment

I grew up with the Halloween – All Saints Day – All Souls Day fusion version of North America, Mexico and the Philippines. My mother decorated the house for Halloween and kept the decorations up for the colourful and lively Mexican Dia de los Muertos, then we paid homage to the dearly beloved in the tradition of the Filipino Undas (All Saints Day and All Souls Day). Think of it as scramble eggs that went trick or treating in the cemetery… sweet, colorful, and somehow supposed to be nourishing for the cultural soul. Burp. A couple of decades ago, my parents…

To Have Loved and Lost

Categories: a woman's strength · Battling depression · Existentialism · Family · Mourning · Surviving lossLeave a comment

Two years ago Death took away a woman whose endless love and unconditional friendship moulded me. She defined my character, shaped the values that sustain my soul, and taught me everything about supporting those you love through the triumphs and defeats. I could have been a social recluse all my life, shying away from the world because of my physical defects. But my mother took no bullshit from me and pushed me to compensate for the cruel stares and comments by excelling academically and being a leader in extra curricular activities. I owe her my strength and stubbornness, and the…

After The Destruction

Categories: a woman's strength · Battling depression · Existentialism · Mourning · Nostalgia · prayer and photography · Religion and Faith · Surviving lossLeave a comment

Now that you have entered with an open heart Into a complex and fragile situation, Hoping with patience and respect To tread softly over sore ground in order That somewhere beneath the raw estrangement Some fresh spring of healing might be coaxed To release the grace for a new journey Beyond repetition and judgement, And have achieved nothing of that, But emerged helpless, and with added hurt… Withdraw for a while into your own tranquillity, Loosen from your heart the new fester. Free yourself of the wounded gaze That is not yet able to see you. Recognize your responsibility for…