I Am (still) Here

I don’t know who needs to hear this today, but I know someone out there does and I’m happy to share.

Let me let you in on a little secret – this is my ultimate go-to song when I’m having a God awful day and Blursday never sounded so terrible. Believe me, rockbottom and on the verge of… well, on the verge, these are familiar places and for a while even preferred benches to hang out on. But like every storm that passes through, it’s just temporary.

Music has the most amazing power to heal and comfort, more so if coupled with prayer and silence. When I’m feeling sad, I flee into the soulful strings of cello music, especially the Bach sonatas. To celebrate milestones and success, or simply feeling good and in the mood to embrace the light, I have an “empowerment” playlist that I crank up full volume and dance to – best done barefoot and holding a bewildered cat. But when the world seems to be imploding on my head and in my soul, nothing can beat this powerhouse song by P!nk.

Before you read on, please take the time and listen to it, REALLY listen to it, two or three times if need be.

Sob songs that make you want to break all the dishes in the cupboard or stab the person who wronged you aren’t my cup of tea. They don’t improve my mood or remind me that everything will be fine. I was raised to be a strong girl and to hold my emotions in tow. Tantrums and tears were never allowed, especially before, during and after surgeries, when I would have loved to have them the most. So I let music to the talking and crying for me, and for 50 years I was convinced that crying was a sign of weakness, and not part of a healing process.

When you hit rock bottom, you have two choices – stay there and rot, or pull your sorry ass up and climb right back up and out.

“I’ve already seen the bottom so there is nothing to fear…”

Absolutely! This is something I had to remind myself of this past week when I hit a low point. Nothing seemed to be going right and I began to doubt my chosen path and abilities. Then I resorted to my photography and prayer and it dawned on me that I’m being too hard on myself. After all, it’s barely been a month since began job hunting and I am certainly still among the lucky ones. Others have been in this position for over a year with very little prospects or options to turn to.

Emergence ©FrogDiva Photography

I took this shot this morning and that’s when it hit me that nature is full of wonderful messages of affirmation and encouragement. The bulbs and trees lose everything during winter, but in Spring they return with a vengeance to shout out to the world I am still here!

I am here, I am here
I’ve already seen the bottom, so there’s nothing to fear
I know that I’ll be ready when the devil is near
I am here, I am here

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