It has taken me over three years to learn how to eat alone and enjoy it, but time heals all wounds and teaches the best lessons. As I sit at my breakfast table this morning, basking in the serenity of my conservatory, surrounded by plants, purring cats, music in the background, and warm candlelight bringing a meditative flair to it all, I can’t help but smile and be grateful for having survived. The storms, the biological excrement I have stepped on in the past months, and all the pitfalls along the way have left scars, deep scars that remind me every day of where I have been, but will not define where I am headed.
Is anyone out there also an avid Criminal Minds fan? I love all the characters but sometimes it isn’t the twisted plots that leave an imprint on the moment, but the fantastic quotes at the beginning and end of each episode. In this case, from season 5 the episode Slave to Duty, the character David Rossi says “Scars remind us where we’ve been. They don’t have to dictate where we’re going.” OK that on stopped me in my tracks for a while and got me thinking.
So many people try to cover up their scars but I choose to celebrate them, because they are my greatest trophies, reminding me of everything that could have led me down the roads of despair, alcohol and drugs, but instead deepened my faith and strengthened my courage. The kindness, gentleness and generosity of others have pulled me through, teaching me that pain is temporary and life is too short to remain stuck in the same hole.
The lessons I have learned well, choose never to forget, but in order to have a future governed by peace of mind, creativity, and serenity, the grudges I bear have to be put aside, rise above all the shit and put my best foot forward. The art of forgiveness is something I am still working on, but my spiritual mentor reminded me today that forgiveness changes people, and I heard the same message during mass this morning.
Like the duck in the photograph above, I do not dwell anymore about swimming alone, but rejoice that I have the whole lake to myself!
Thank you Snowman.