To Have Loved and Lost

Two years ago Death took away a woman whose endless love and unconditional friendship moulded me. She defined my character, shaped the values that sustain my soul, and taught me everything about supporting those you love through the triumphs and defeats. I could have been a social recluse all my life, shying away from the world because of my physical defects. But my mother took no bullshit from me and pushed me to compensate for the cruel stares and comments by excelling academically and being a leader in extra curricular activities. I owe her my strength and stubbornness, and the ability to be suicidally brave, unafraid of change and new situations. She raised me with the motto “Just do it!” long before Nike made millions from it.

I loved, and lost.

thumb_IMG_1462_1024Life has a really cruel way of dishing out situations sometimes. Mommy died on what turned out to be my last wedding anniversary, foreshadowing events to come. So October 23 will always spell the end of life as I knew it, the disintegration of roles that structured my world. It would have been my Silver wedding anniversary today.

I loved, and lost.

Although I lost everything on October 23, 2016, the date also marked the beginning of a transformation in my life. I have walked away from what was safe and comfortable, and plunged into a life of uncertainty, riddled with problems, challenges, mistakes, pain, and frustration. A friend recently pointed out bluntly, as true friends tend to do, You lost yourself and everything familiar, so now it is time to find You. Define yourself and don’t try to reinvent the old You. That person belongs in the past.

I loved, and lost.

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