A Feline Oration from Castle Whiskerton
Friend, villagers, and kitty cats,
Lend me your paws;
I come to bury the lizard, not to praise it.
The evil that cats do lives after them;
The good is oft interred with their furballs;
So let it be with Baloo. The noble Linus
Hath told you Baloo was ambitious:
If it were so, it was a grievous fault,
And grievously hath Baloo answered it.
Here, under leave of Linus and the rest—
For Linus is an honourable cat;
So are they all, all honourable cats—
Come I to speak at Baloo’s whiskers.
He was my friend, faithful and just to me;
But Linus says he was ambitious,
And Linus is an honourable cat.
When the poor cats did shiver in the rain,
Baloo opened wide the kitchen door.
Ambition should be made of sterner stuff;
Yet Linus says he was ambitious,
And, sure, Linus is an honourable cat.
You all did see that on the frosty night
He yielded up his favourite sunlit chair,
And let the smallest kitten claim his place.
Was this ambition?
Yet Linus says he was ambitious,
And Linus is an honourable cat.
I speak not to disprove what Linus spoke,
But here I am to speak what I do know.
You all did love him once, and not without cause.
What cause withholds you then to mourn for him?
O judgement, thou art fled to brutish beasts,
And cats have lost their reason! Bear with me;
My heart is in the litter there with Baloo,
And I must pause till it come back to me.
But yesterday the word of Baloo might
Have stood against the world; now lies he there,
And not a cat so poor to do him reverence.
Yet mark this scroll, which Baloo left behind:
His final will, bequeathing to each cat
A cushion soft, a bowl of cream, and fish;
And to the village, all his scratching posts,
His sunny windowsills, and garden walls.
Here was a Baloo! When comes such another?
Baloo is gone, but not forgotten!
His name shall live in every purr and mew!
And woe betide the cat who dares suggest
That he was anything but noble!
For Linus is an honourable cat,
And so are all the cats who follow him.
Now, friends, villagers, and kitty cats—
Let every paw be raised,
Every tail be high,
And every bowl be filled.
For tonight, we mourn.
Tomorrow, we demand second breakfast.
*Welcome to HAUNTVENT! If Christmas gets Advent, comprised of four weeks of build‑up, candlelight, and carols, why shouldn’t Halloween get its own countdown? Think about it. Even Thanksgiving has bonus add-ons such as Black Friday, Cyber Monday, Giving Tuesday. Oh, and let us not forget that Easter has the entire 40 days of Lent, plus Holy Week. Meanwhile, Halloween gets exactly one day. ONE! That’s like giving Christmas just one gingerbread man and calling it a holiday. We Halloween advocates deserve more. Want more. We have the right to Hauntvent. A full two weeks of delightful absurdity, seasonal satire, and spooky observations. In short, a playful countdown to October 31st. This October, I’m taking Halloween seriously. So buckle up, light your jack‑o’‑lanterns, and prepare yourself: Hauntvent has begun!
Based on Shakespeare’s Julius Caesar, the famous monologue that began with “Friends, Romans, and countrymen..” that we all had to memorise in high school at some point !
Baloo, and Linus are real cats, albeit for the Brutus portrait Strudel had to stand in because Linus was indisposed
From photograph to fantasy: AI-generated digital artwork featuring the feline residents of Castle Whiskerton. © FrogDiva Photography
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