Questions my parents never asked me 

There is something about birthdays that makes you incorrigibly nostalgic and reflective, as if the person staring back at you in the mirror demands that you be held accountable for your decisions, actions, words and emotions all at once. I inevitably looked back at my life, my past, present and of course, contemplated the future. It happened on a quiet evening, somewhere between dinner and a broken dream, when I came across a line that made me sit up and question my entire existence. It occurred to me that my parents never asked me certain questions, either it never occurred to them to ask them, or they simply assumed the answers. I couldn’t help but wonder how different my character and the entire fibre of all my relationships would have turned out if my parents had taken the time to ask, to see, to reach out. 

The type of family dynamics I grew up with would have never allowed these questions to be asked, but I know in my heart that my relationship with my father in particular, would have been so much more transparent and stronger if he had had the courage to ask me once, just once, and that would have spelled all the difference. 

So here I am, sharing a short list of questions that I truly wish I had been asked at 10, 16, 18, 30, 40, and again at 50. I also encourage everyone reading this who is a parent, to make sure you ask your children (or grandchildren) these questions at some point in their lives. They may not always appreciate the value of the soul interrogation, but sometimes all it takes to change the course of your life choices is a small question that spells the difference between surviving and living. 

• Are you happy?
• Are you doing something that makes you happy?
• What do you really want? 
• Did you feel seen in our family? 
• Do you feel appreciated by us? 
• Do you feel included?
• Did you feel loved? 
• We gave you a roof over your head and food on the table, but did we give you wings to fly? 
• What could we have done better?

We spend most of our adult lives chasing an elusive dream from gurus, mentors, managers, and colleagues in the workplace, when the real questions that matter were hiding in plain sight all along.