While the year is still new and fresh, I challenge you to push your boundaries a bit. It is, after all, the Year of the Snake in Chinese astrology, and this is the year to shed old habits and beliefs that no longer serve us well. Let’s begin by redefining our HOPE and EXPECTATIONS.
We all live with beliefs about the future. Some of us move through life with a sense of certainty, expecting things to unfold in a particular way. Others approach the future with a sense of hope — a flexible wish, an open possibility. While both hope and expectation describe our beliefs about what lies ahead, they are fundamentally different in how they shape our experience of life, relationships, and even ourselves.
Expectation, at its core, is about assuming or anticipating a specific outcome. It’s a mental framework we construct, built on previous experiences, societal norms, or the behaviour of others. We expect things to happen in a certain way because we believe that’s how they should go or because we feel entitled to them. Whether it originates from family, the workplace or social circles, the expectations of others place a great deal of collective pressure on the individual, which inevitably leads to stress and miscommunications.
Think about it: we often expect people to behave in ways that align with our desires, or we expect life to unfold in a way that feels fair, just, or predictable. But here’s the rub—expectations are dependent on others and on circumstances we can’t always control. For example, you may expect a friend to remember your birthday, a partner to know exactly how you feel, or a career to lead to the promotion you’ve been working toward. When these expectations are met, we feel validated and satisfied. But when they’re not? Well, that’s where disappointment, frustration, and heartache often begin.
William Shakespeare once said, “Expectation is the root of all heartache.” And I could not agree more. Expectations are not only about what we believe we deserve from the world and others—they also reflect the expectations of others that we internalise. And herein lies the double-edged sword of expectation: the personal expectations we place on ourselves and the external expectations imposed by others.
- Personal Expectations: We often have the highest expectations of ourselves. We set rigid standards for our careers, relationships, and achievements, sometimes to the point where the pressure becomes overwhelming. Whether it’s the expectation to be “perfect” or to “succeed” by certain milestones, these personal expectations can create a never-ending cycle of striving, stress, and self-criticism. When we don’t meet them, we feel like we’ve failed, leading to guilt, shame, or frustration.
- Expectations from Others: Then, there are the external expectations—what others think we should be doing, how we should behave, or where we should be in life. Family, friends, colleagues, and society at large often impose a set of norms or benchmarks that we are expected to meet. This can manifest as pressure to follow a particular career path, conform to certain social roles, or live up to familial traditions. These expectations can be suffocating, leading us to make choices that don’t align with our authentic desires but instead cater to the needs and desires of others.
Let me share a little life secret: no one can ever fully meet all the expectations placed on them —whether they’re self-imposed or imposed by others—because expectations are rigid and narrow. Life is messy, unpredictable, and constantly shifting. There’s no single path to fulfilment, and no checklist to check off in order to “arrive” at happiness. So break free from them! Don’t chain yourself to a life dictated by others. Your life, your goals, your dreams, your call. Learn to redefine success on your own terms. A truly fulfilled life is aligned with your purpose.
- Learn to Say No
Saying no is a powerful way to reclaim your life from external pressures. Setting boundaries—whether it’s with family, friends, or work—gives you permission to honor your own needs. Saying no doesn’t make you selfish; it makes you responsible for your own well-being and happiness. - Let Go of Perfection
If you’re holding yourself to impossible standards of perfection, you’re setting yourself up for disappointment. Embrace imperfection as part of the human experience. Mistakes, setbacks, and failures are part of the journey. They don’t define you—they refine you. - Practice Self-Compassion
Be kind to yourself. We are often our harshest critics, punishing ourselves for not meeting our expectations. Practice self-compassion by giving yourself permission to be flawed, to make mistakes, and to take your time in figuring things out. Just as you would support a friend who was struggling, offer that same compassion to yourself.
Hope, on the other hand, is a much more fluid and open concept. It’s a desire for a positive outcome, yes, but one that isn’t bound to a pre-determined result. Hope is a flexible wish, a yearning that carries within it an acceptance of uncertainty. It is not an expectation that something will happen, but rather a gentle longing for it to happen, without the certainty or the entitlement that comes with expectation.
Hope does not tie your happiness to an outcome. It’s the quiet confidence that things will turn out as they should, even if it’s not what you had imagined or anticipated. Hope allows room for disappointment, but it also invites resilience, growth, and a deeper understanding of what really matters in life. It’s an awareness that things may not go as planned, and that’s okay.
For example, you may hope for a successful career or a fulfilling relationship, but you don’t hold yourself hostage to the idea that they will look a certain way. You hope, you take action, and you trust that life will unfold in a manner that aligns with your broader values — whether it matches your initial vision or not. This is where the beauty of hope lies: it’s adaptable. It lets you navigate the unpredictability of life with an open heart.
So, what happens when we choose to live with hope rather than expectation? We become more resilient, more adaptable, and more content. Whereas expectation narrow sour view of life, setting us up for disappointment when things don’t go as planned, hope opens us up to the unknown, to possibilities, and to the beauty of things we didn’t even anticipate. It keeps us going because it embraces the possibility of change.
Related blogs:
Forgiving Yourself: Embracing Growth, Strength, and the Power to Start Over
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