The Inherent Value of Self-Worth: You Are Enough

I’d like to step into 2025 armed with a magical sword of empowerment. Instead of coming up with a list of resolutions (which have never worked for me), let me share with you something that tumbled around in my head for most of 2024. In a sense this entry closes what turned out to be a challenging and turbulent year for me and serves as a bridge into the new year, full of determination and passion for life.

In a world that often equates worthiness with achievements, appearances, or status, it’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking that our value is something we must constantly prove. But self-worth is not something you earn; it is something you possess simply by being human. Nobody should have to prove that they are worthy of friendship, love, respect, generosity, or kindness. These are not privileges reserved for a select few who meet arbitrary standards; they are the birthright of every person.

The Truth About Self-Worth
Let me get this off my chest, at the risk of rattling some cages out there – self-worth is not based on performance, success, or the approval of others. Yet, many of us grow up internalising messages that tell us otherwise. We learn that if we work harder, do more, or become “better,” we will finally be enough. But this is a lie. Self-worth is not transactional; it is not something you achieve or fight for. You are worthy simply because you exist.

Consider this: we don’t demand that a newborn prove their worthiness to be cared for and loved. Their value is inherent and unquestionable. That same truth applies to every stage of life. You don’t outgrow your worth. You don’t lose it because you made a mistake, failed to meet expectations, or because someone else failed to see your value. When we tie our self-worth to external validation or relationships, we enter a dangerous cycle of overextending ourselves, constantly trying to “earn” our place in someone’s life. How many time have you tolerated disrespect or neglect, believing you needed to fight for love or acceptance? I know I have, far too many times and longer than I care to admit. That is the folly of youth, but I grew up, got older and the universe slapped me in the face, teaching me that true connection doesn’t come from convincing someone you’re worthy of their time or affection. It comes from mutual respect and genuine care — things that should never require a fight.

The truth is, if someone makes you feel like you have to prove your worth to be in their life, they are not the right person for you. Healthy relationships are built on a foundation of equality, where each person’s worth is acknowledged and respected without conditions, and this applies to both your professional and personal life.

Self-Sabotage and Its Impact on Self-Worth
One of the ways we undermine our own sense of self-worth is through self-sabotage. This can take many forms: procrastination, negative self-talk, avoiding opportunities, or staying in toxic relationships because we believe we deserve no better. Self-sabotage is often rooted in fear — fear of failure, rejection, or not being enough. I know this is ringing some loud bells among some of you and I know you know it is time to sit up, listen, and walk away.

Consider this a coaching session disguised as a life reflection for the end of the year. When we engage in self-sabotage, we reinforce the false belief that our worth is conditional. We tell ourselves that we’re not capable, lovable, or deserving, creating a cycle that keeps us stuck. Breaking free from self-sabotage requires recognising these behaviours and addressing the underlying fears driving them. Pay attention to the ways you might be holding yourself back. Are you avoiding opportunities or doubting your abilities? Question the thoughts that tell you you’re not good enough. Replace them with affirmations of your inherent worth.

Start with manageable actions that align with your goals. Each small success builds confidence and reinforces your value. Never be afraid to seek support; talk to trusted friends, a mentor, or a therapist to gain perspective and encouragement. Embrace this support system in your life because you will need it while learning the most difficult lesson: to forgive yourself. Understand that self-sabotage is often a defence mechanism, so be compassionate with yourself.

Embracing Your Inherent Worth
Embracing your self-worth also means letting go of the need to prove yourself, recognising that your value doesn’t diminish because of someone else’s inability to see it, and setting boundaries and walking away from situations where your worth is questioned or diminished. Start the new year by cultivating a strong sense of self-worth, and if you have to remind yourself daily that your worth is not dependent on your achievements or the opinions of others then by all means do so. I don’t care where you place it, the mirror, the fridge, the front door, your favourite window, just make sure you speak this affirmation several times a day: You are enough just as you are.

Treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding you would offer a dear friend. Be patient with your imperfections and celebrate your strengths. What matters most is how you see yourself.

For those looking to deepen their understanding and practice of self-worth, here are five highly recommended books:

“The Gifts of Imperfection” by Brené Brown: A powerful guide to embracing your authentic self and letting go of the need to be perfect.
“Radical Acceptance” by Tara Brach: A transformative book about embracing yourself with compassion and mindfulness.
“You Are a Badass” by Jen Sincero: A motivational and humorous book about building confidence and recognising your inherent value.
“Untamed” by Glennon Doyle: An inspiring memoir that challenges societal expectations and encourages self-trust and authenticity.
“Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself” by Dr. Kristin Neff: A deep dive into the importance of self-kindness and its impact on self-worth.

At its core, self-worth is about recognising that you are enough. You are not obligated to shrink yourself, overextend, or prove your value to anyone. Friendship, love, respect, generosity, and kindness should flow naturally in your relationships, not as rewards you’ve earned but as reflections of the mutual recognition of each other’s humanity. You should not have to fight to be in someone’s life. tand firm in the knowledge that you are enough, and always have been.

Happy New Year!