Who Do You Want To Be?

One of the fundamental recurring questions you will always be asked at various stages of your life is Who do you want to be? It must be distinguished from What do you want to be and takes into account the age-old conundrum of success vs. fulfilment. It’s a loaded set of questions, but let’s face it, there is no perfect time to face the mirror and search for the answers. What I’ve learned is that now is the best time, and stop procrastinating, regardless of whether you are in your 30s or 60s.

When I was growing up my teachers and possibly every adult I encountered asked “What do you want to be when you grow up?” At five I answered “a stewardess” (although it is politically incorrect to use that term now, but in my defence, the term flight attendant wasn’t in my vocabulary at that age), by the time was ten I had switched between veterinarian and professional volleyball player, to which I have to laugh out loud now especially while watching the Olympics! During my teens I was determined to become a full time artist, war correspondent for Life Magazine, or photographer for National Geographic.

During the subsequent decades I was continually asked the same thing, and by then it was often paired with another question – what are you now? It wasn’t until my 50s when I was finally told, “Don’t tell me what you are and what your CV says, but tell me who you really are.” That stumped me, because it entailed discovering the core of who I really was beneath all the accomplishments and titles. Strip those away, and I was confronted with the question, did I like who I really was?

Yes. And I have my mother to thank for that because she always kept me grounded and real. She often pointed out the wisdom that she encountered while doing her pastoral work – “the degree of education doesn’t matter, it is what you learn from life and how you treat others that you will be loved, respected, and remembered.” It boils down to caring and kindness, and starting with yourself.

Where does all the stress in our lives come from? From the pressure of being someone others expect us to be, from fulfilling roles we may or may not have signed up for, from taking on more chores than what is fair, and we won’t even talk about control issues and inability to delegate… However, much of our modern stress can be traced back to those insufferable To Do lists. Some people get anxiety attacks the moment they go over their To Do lists or even the Bucket Lists, moaning about how little time there is in the day, or all the places you still have to visit on this planet. Yes, we all need some form of task management and organisational structure, and travel is definitely good for you on so many levels, but the crucial issue here is not to be buried under all the tasks and neglect to nurture your soul. How many of you go to bed tired, angry and frustrated because you didn’t get your me-time, or have time to call that friend or family member whose voice you really wanted to hear, or spend time with the animals and plants that bring you joy? As I said in the beginning, we have to learn to distinguish between what we are and who we are during the day. Don’t confuse the role with the person, they are and always should be mutually exclusive. Let that sink in for a moment.

Instead of being ruled by the To Do list, become an advocate of To Be lists instead. Whereas a To Do list is a constant reminder of time running out and keeps you imprisoned in the realm of people pleasing, a To Be list anchors you to the present moment and gives you that gentle push to be the best version of yourself here and now. So I ask you: who do you want to be? Your age doesn’t matter here, only the desire to be someone you will smile at when you face the mirror, and who you want to be today. Tomorrow you might want to word it differently or have other intentions, but there is a catch – whatever you say out loud today has to be achieved within the day as well. Let me start:

• Today I will be kind.
• Today I will grateful.
• Today I will enjoy my food and not rush through meals.
• Today I will dance when the mood strikes, regardless of where I am.
• Today I will make time.
• Today I will help.
• Today I will feed someone.
• Today I will listen.