The other day I sat in the dark in the middle of the night in front of an open window and listened to the thunder rolling over the valley. It almost felt as though I had entered a parallel universe but at the same time, the moment felt right somehow. Normally I love listening to the rain, but that evening it was just cloudy and there seemed to be a massive thunder concert rocking the heavens. Someone once described thunder as the angels having a bowling tournament in heaven, and that evening I had to agree with them.
I listened and let the vibrations resonate within me and took the time to reflect on my current situation. After all the months of pursuing certifications and setting up websites, I asked myself the inevitable – am I happy? The truth is that I have always hated this question and never really know how to answer it. The older I got I made it a point to distinguish between being content and happy, and often wondered which one of the two was more important. My answer seems to change every seven to ten years though, so if I am still blogging seven years from now, I might write the complete opposite. I honestly don’t think there is nor should there be a definitive answer.
As we all know, life tends to get in the way of the best laid plans and many hopes and dreams get shoved aside or shelved for the sake of obligations and duties. The happiness of others tends to become the main focus as a spouse, parent or son/daughter, and we who carry the burdens and responsibilities must forsake happiness for strength. There are periods when the journey gets a bit stormy and you end up battling everything life throws at you on different fronts, which means having to dig deeper and draw more strength from the depths of our soul, and on some days it feels as though we are truly scraping the bottom of the barrel only too discover that there is a basement.
As I sat and listened to the thunder I realised that the past 30 years have made me an incredibly strong woman who is not afraid to jump into the deep end of the darkness or unknown, but at what cost? People often asked me in Germany how I was and my standard answer was Ich bin zufrienden (I am content) because I was convinced that contentment was far more important than happiness, which tends to be short-lived. It took a major leap of faith to jolt me into facing the reality that in focusing all my efforts to survive and rebuild my life, I unlearned the fine art of how to be happy. There was a quote that I stumbled upon the other day that said “Are you happy or are you too busy being strong?” and that has haunted me for the past two weeks.
I found myself inexplicably drawn an energy healing course recently and one of the lessons was to learn to let go and stop trying to make things happen. Just let them happen. This is such a difficult lesson to internalise and apply because we are so pressured too achieve, earn, make a difference, shine, deliver, build a legacy, that we forget (or never learn) to let the magic happen on its own. The esoterics will call this divine timing, and those of us caught up or raised in the rat race, we have no room for this because we are too busy planning and plotting to make our next move. Slow down, or even better, stop and listen to the bumblebee or talk to the passing bird. Touch the petals of a wild flower, or close your eyes and let the wind make a mess of your hair. Ground yourself in the simple things.
It was as if the thunder was telling me OK, so you won’t take the subtle hints of letting go, well here is a louder reminder. Let me, The Universe, work and stop trying to contradict me. If you are a religious person and believe in a higher power and embrace the concept of God’s plan, this was one of those angel messages, a reminder that The Divine does exist and we mere mortals sometimes have no say in the matter. As the old Spanish saying goes, el hombre propone y Dios dispone ( Man proposes and God disposes).
Stop being strong. Be happy instead.
FrogDiva Thoughts 