Guest Blogger: A Diva’s Rant

Hello everyone!

I am taking over the FrogBlog today because… well, because I can. I need an outlet to rant because I am so angry at Mom right now, so I am depriving her of her computer privileges. Besides, she spends all week on the computer anyway, she needs to get off it from time to time.

For those of you who don’t know me yet, my name is Cherry, and I am a senior citicat born and raised in Berlin. I was adopted from the shelter and had been enjoying the quiet life in a Berlin apartment by the river in Spandau. Did the balcony and flat sharing thing for about four years then all of a sudden Mom disappeared one day in February and left us with our human sister. Life was still pretty good, very chilled, albeit a tad messy and no fixed routine like Mom had. It was fine though, we managed, and I still got to go out on the balcony and snoop on the neighbours or chat with the birds.

Next thing I knew I was being carted off the vet, horror of horrors, who poked me unceremoniously with a needle and gave me a brand new blue EU passport. Several weeks after that I ended up in a giant tin can and landed back in Mommy’s arms, but somehow not in Berlin. The house is much bigger and colder than the place in Berlin, but with tons of cool corners and windows. I hated all the stairs in the beginning because of my rickety knees, but two months later, I have mastered them all and nothing scares this Berliner anymore.

Now with the new house, unfortunately, comes a whole host of nosy neighbours that Mom insists on feeding. I have no idea why and I cannot emphasise enough how much I disapprove of all this nonsense. Nevertheless, I stand guard at the kitchen window each time Mom goes to the kitchen, just to make sure nobody crosses the line, although I can’t be in two places at the same time, so someone always manages to sneak in. Try as I might to put on my best grump face and throw a hissy fit, these Portuguese village cats don’t give fart. They hustle their way through the food and milk, and Mom just keeps dishing it out. If you can’t beat ’em then join ’em … so when they eat or Mom eats, I eat too. As a result, I have put on some weight but the vet said that was fine, since I was a bit on skinny side anyway.

Up until two weeks ago, my outdoor adventures were limited to the rooftop terrace and something called a meditation area. I have no idea what it means, but it sounds and looks like the human equivalent to my sitting with my eyes closed and pretending to listen to everything. But then it occurred to me that I can also go out the front door and explore the world out there where all the other cats are. I wanted to find out what the big deal was. I miss bird-watching and I don’t get to do much of that here, but that doesn’t stop me from being curious.

My first issue was getting past the wall of feet and tails blocking the door and window. Geez, each time I stick my head out there are three others poking theirs in! Talk about pushy! But once I got out, I liked what I saw! The world looks very different from the other side of the window! Mom has some cool plants out there and there is a wall that is nice to perch on and snoop on the neighbours – human and non-human alike. All these new textures under my paws! It is so exciting!

When Mom stops working in the afternoons, I ask to go out exploring – if it isn’t raining, that is. The other day I ventured out the gate for the first time and walked along the wall that led to the abandoned house next door. Oh boy, I wasn’t sure where to start and how to manoeuvre my way around. The locals do it in a breeze and can go from there all the way up to our rooftop terrace, but I’m not sure I’m ready for that just yet. My knees and eyesight are good for shorter distances and preferably closer to the ground level. I am not a klutz, but am no rooftop wiz either.

Today I went out for my morning exploration (weekends I get to go out in the mornings as well) but when I came back in, Mom grabbed me and gave me a shave. Not just a simple maintenance trim but a full on shave that makes me look like a mutant squirrel. She has gotten pretty good at handling the job on her own, no matter how much of a fuss I make. Her grip is solid and there was no escaping. Don’t tell her, but I actually do feel much better without all that matted fur, even though I have to put up with this stupid appearance for a while. It’s a good thing I don’t speak Portumeowish, so I won’t understand what the other cats are saying about me.

The temperatures have dropped in the evenings and early mornings. This morning we had 9C so I was glad when Mom was in no hurry to get out of bed either. And I am glad we have this strange box that lights up and makes everything nice and warm in the evening. At first it scared the bejeezers out of me and I ran to the other side of the living room for the whole evening. It is as bad as the giant spider in the sky that makes this strange woosh-woosh-woosh sound, but the fire box goes woooohoooowooosh-woooohoooowooosh-woooohoooowoooshcrackle-cackle. But Mom taught me that it is safe and actually really cosy to sleep next to. So now I look forward to cold nights because the fire box goes on.

Sometimes I think these are too many changes for an old lady like me, but what the heck. I have to make the most of my first of nine lives so I know what to aim for in the next eight! OK, it’s dinner time and I need to be first in line for the feeding.

Meowingly yours,

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