I spend so much time being a strong independent woman that I end up neglecting my softer feminine side, the more romantic one, the one who will space out and day dream. The roles we are saddled with as women, especially as mothers, makes us prioritiese the more pragmatic side, and in my case, romance and day dreaming slipped to bottom of that list because I forced them to after the horrors of 2020.
I suppose I simply lack the inspiration at the moment, and am too busy surviving. Being in a country that celebrates with noise and laughter, embraces colours and music, and a people that know how to chill, I am forced to reacquaint myself with this side and it is a strange but fascinating experience. It’s sort of like catching up with an old friend, with so many years under the bridge where we both lost touch because life got in the way.
This weekend I got to test another camera (Nikon Z 7), and while fiddling around with the settings, I experimented with a couple of test shots but screwed up the exposure and shutter release. I know, embarassing to admit as a professional photographer, but when dealing with new equipment, there is a lot of trial and error involved (more of the latter though). The thing with the Nikon Z series, is that the camera doesn’t think for you, and you have to set every minute detail (once you find them) before you achieve what you set out to do in the first place. The sheer range of options for the Z 7 is mind-boggling and daunting, but once you overcome the tedious settings, a dream to work with.
I was about to delete the botched up images when I stumbled on this one and took a closer look:
It’s not a SOOC image, and I did crop it and tweak the saturation, but in general, I love it for the very reason that is an accurate expression of my current state of the heart. The capacity and potential are there, but there is a predominant emptiness, almost sorrow, that lacks an anchor. It would be a perfect book cover for a heartbreaker with no HEA, my type of book to write!
Back to the image though, the transition from light to dark, lack of clarity, and something that bordes between expectation and longing is what catches my attention, especially in BNW:
Some photography buddies and colleagues are very quick to delete bloopers, but I tend to be a packrat in that sense, especially for RAW images. You never know when you will end up using the image so might as well hang on for a while. If anything it serves as a valuable lesson.