I didn’t think I would get this done in time, but here it is.
Adapted from the original version by Clement Clarke Moore
©MTHerzog. / Berlin 2021
‘Twas the night before another COVID Christmas, when all through the house
Nary a creature was vaccinated, except Grandma Mouse;
The stockings were sanitised with care,
In hopes that St. Nicholas’ travel ban would be lifted by land and for air;
The children wore masks even in their beds;
While visions of disinfectant gel haunted their heads;
And mamma donned her face shield, and I in my full PPE crap,
Had just returned from our boosters and longed for the beer tap,
When from the Zoom call there arose such a chatter,
I sprang from my Home Office to see what Twitter had to scatter.
Away from Facebook I flew like a flash,
Tore up my Instagram and all WhatsApp messages with a crash.
Just when the health ministry dealt us another blow,
Informing us lockdowns are the only way to go,
What diversion away from Netflix did appear,
But an ambulance driven by eight masked reindeer,
With a sexy fireman so lively and quick,
I knew in a heartbeat he couldn’t possibly be St. Nick.
More rapid than the Berliner Airport they came,
And he chuckled, drawled, and called them by name:
“Now, Modena! now, Pfizer! now Janssen and Sinovax!
On, Sputnik! on, Covaxin! on, AstraZeneca, and Novavax !
To the top of the Vax Centre! to the basement of the mall!
Now jab away! jab away! jab them away all!”
A cooler full of syringes he had stacked into the trailer,
And he looked like a pedler or perhaps even a dealer.
His eyes—how they glared! his cheeks, how sallow!
His lips forgot how to smile and could only bellow!
He cleared his voice like the greatest nightmarish rooster,
And crowed in the halls and on the news, “get your booster!”;
We stared back with hatred and dread
But knew that swimming in toilet paper was better than dead;
He choked out the daily statistics and said remote was the only way to work,
And cancel all parties and meetings or face the ordinance orc,
And laying his finger aside of his mask,
Once off the train he pulled out a flask;
He sprang to his ambulance, to his team gave a whistle,
And away they all sped leaving us all with a bristle.
But I heard someone exclaim, as they finally left our sight—
“Happy Christmas in spite of 2021 and all,
and to all a good night!”