“Do not fear failure but please be terrified of regret”
– Deshauna Barber
October has always been a complex month for me, marked namely by life-changing milestones and passages. My emotions are always on a roller coaster especially towards the second half of the month, filled with memories and poignant moments linked to certain dates. Today, for example, marks the eighth death anniversary of my mother’s passing and I and it incredibly difficult to believe that so much time has passed already. But I don’t want this blog to carry a morose undertone, and instead I’d like to celebrate the incredibly strong and influential woman she was to me.
Someone recently sent me the link to a YouTube video that struck a deep chord within my soul. It is the trailer for the award-winnng movie “Minari”, the story of a Korean family that migrated to the USA, originally released on January 26, 2020.
When one of the children says “Grandma smells like Korea” I immediately had to think of my mom and tried to recall what she smelled like. It’s a weird sentence to both read and write, I am aware, but hear me out. Close your eyes and try to recall what your mom smelled like to you as a child that brought you comfort and instilled a sense of home, of belonging. Mommy smelled of Johnson’s Baby Cologne, Oil of Olay, and Eskinol face toner.
The sense of smell is often times much more powerful in terms of evoking deep-seeded memories than anything visual, and say a lot about the character of the person you associate them with. As you can deduce, Mommy was not a woman of luxury, but having been a nurse for many years, she had a need to always feel, smell and look clean and fresh. Living in a tropical country with all the humidity can be challenge to maintain all these, but she found that splashing herself with baby cologne after a shower revived her on many levels. I picked up the habit sometime during my high school years as well, seeing the wisdom in the “ceremony” which resulted in my reluctance to indulge in branded perfumes later on. So whenever I hugged my mother, even when she was in her 80s, the first thing I did was inhale her scent and subconsciously seek the traces of baby cologne, Eskinol or Olay on her.
Growing up with my mother as tiger, bodyguard, cheerleader, friend and disciplinarian meant that she never minced her words when it came to dishing out her opinions. She did so bluntly but never maliciously, and one of the things she drilled into me was no never give up and let the nay-sayers have their way. She constantly reminded me that courage was a badge of honour to wear on a daily basis, just like my heart. So when I stumbled on the motivational speech delivered by former Ms. USA Deschauna Barber, I couldn’t help but feel that Mommy was sending me a message from the other side.
Thus far 2024 has been rocky, to say the least. Without going into too many details, the life of a freelancer is one big struggle in the beginning with a lot of uncertainly looming over you like a Damocles sword. I finally bit the bullet and decided to go back to a 9-to-5 job in order to have a steady income by hook or by crook. Greatest takeaway from the job-hunting process? Post-pandemic job-hunting is very different, to put it politely. I still remember attending all the job fairs during my senior year in university, collecting the forms, running to the next instant photo booth for the required ID photo, and then submitting the forms either to the rep on campus, the Career Guidance Office or by registered mail. Those were the options in 1990 but now they want your social media profiles (especially your LinkedIn), a website if you have it, and your statement on whether you want an in-office, hybrid or remote job. Everything happens online, including the interviews so if you don’t have access to internet you are basically out in the cold. I keep reminding myself that I belong to the generation that made the transition from manual typewriters to computers, in the same manner that my generation of photographers still experienced 12-shot films and flash cubes to the first digital cameras digital and then some, so I can damn well rise to the challenge of finding a job in 2024 in my late 50s! Long story short, I start next month and once again, my language skills got my foot in the door. But I’ve gone way off tangent here…
We never really know how our lives are going to unfold. In her teens Mommy wanted to be a pianist and a lawyer, but because life and WWII got in the way, she ended up being a nurse (one who still argued like a lawyer). Her purpose in life was to bring justice and comfort for those physically and emotionally ill, and if she wan’t allowed to do so as a lawyer, following in the footsteps of her father who was a well-respected judge, she did so with conviction and compassion as a nurse.
“At times our purpose drops in our laps as if the heavens threw it by accident.”
– Deshauna Barber
My training and work as a Light Worker and endless hours of Reiki have taught me not to grow anxious and fearful or worry in the face of the unknown. So I have kept my wits about me, remembered all the lessons Mommy taught me about resilience and not taking NO for an answer. She made sure that I take the bull by the horns, live life on my terms, and not end up on my deathbed filled with regrets. It is better to make mistakes and learn from them she said, than to not have tried at all. The worst that can happen is that you have one hell of an adventure.
“Giving up is the birth of regret.”
– Deshauna Barber
Related entries:
Celebrating A Life Through Cooking
FrogDiva Thoughts 