“When your life awakens and you begin to sense the destiny that brought you here, you endeavour to live a life that is generous and worthy of the blessing and invitation that is always calling you.”
– John O’Donohue
After several years of waking up and wondering what new disaster awaits me or how to make it through the day. I am finally in that blessed space where I can look back at the week that was and chuckle in amusement, and contemplate the coming days with wonder. Yes, that is indeed a blessed space.
Six months ago to the day I was packing my suitcases in Berlin, wondering what on earth I was getting myself into by moving blindly to a new country whose language I did not speak and culture I was not familiar with at all. My bags were full, with what I considered as the essentials for surviving the next three months, having every intention of returning to collect the rest of my belongings and the cats. Well, what can I say? The Universe determined that this was a crappy plan, and dished out something completely different.
Never in my life did I ever imagine that I would live in hostels and shared flats for half a year, finding myself dwelling in a little Portuguese village dating back to neolithic times for five months, searching in vain for a purpose. I could not understand why I was led here, to Lisbon of all places. a city that wasn’t even on my bucket list! But I sit here this morning, counting my blessings and smiling at the beauty of the friends I have found who have become family and welcomed me into their lives with kindness and generosity.
It is Friday, and when I look back at the week that was, there is absolutely no reason to complain or moan, which has to be a first for me. During a conversation with my dauther earlier this week, I shared that the strength that carries me now is not that of one going into battle to slay unknown demons, but one that has survived and finally found peace.
This time next week I will be waking up in my new home, so this is my last weekend in Vila Franca and suddenly I am a bit sentimental about leaving again. Here by the edge of the Tejo River, where the sky embraces the water with the utmost serenity and simplicity, I have come alive. The creative spirit within is revived with renewed purpose, and now I know, why so many doors closed in my face in Germany. Whatever I was hoping to find behind them has been waiting for me in a different time and place all along.
My daughter once told me that you cannot heal in the same place where you break, and break me Berlin did indeed, for the second time in my life. Am I healed? Absolutely! Do I still struggle with my triggers? I always will, but I know how to deal with them now, and that is the greatest gift.
The images to see today are an affirmation of who I am -Storyteller. Strong, unconventional and unafraid.