Integrity of Life

This phrase has been staring me in the face for over a week now ever since the sermon the other day was built around it and the Beatitudes.

Blessed are the poor in spirit,
    for theirs is the Kingdom of Heaven.
Blessed are those who mourn,
    for they will be comforted.
Blessed are the meek,
    for they will inherit the Earth.
Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness,
    for they will be satisfied.
Blessed are the merciful,
    for they will be shown mercy.
Blessed are the pure in heart,
    for they will see God.
Blessed are the peacemakers,
    for they will be called the Sons of God.
Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness,
    for theirs is the Kingdom of Heaven.

For some inexplicable reason, my heart was not willing to write about it that day, nor during the ones that followed. I suppose deep down I knew it was something I needed to reserve for this partuclar week.

This has been quite the week, with triumphant moments and yesterday’s loss, and last night I was simply shattered from the extreme roller coaster emotions I’ve been through. But as is typical for my Fridays in Lisbon, this evening will cap off the week in the best way possible. The love of my life and best friend, my raison d’etre, my daughter is arriving to spend a few precious days with me! So now you know that Loli’s crossing the rainbow bridge yesterday was timed in a way that we could be together the day after and mourn our loss, but also celebrate the beauty of life and my upcoming birthday. We both have so much to be grateful for, and these past four months were turning points in our individual lives after the turbulent two years we spent together in Berlin during the pandemic.

Let’s talk about the integrity of life :
Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the Kingdom of Heaven – I don’t about inheriting the kingdom of heaven, but I do know that I have found my slice of heaven, as I embark what is about to be the most healing and transformative journey of my life. It is as if all my life-long dreams are converging in one crossroad, allowing me to rise glorioiusly from the ashes.

Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted – Losing Loli yesterday was devastating. She was more than just a pet, and as I wrote the other day, she was my four-legged soulmate with shades of my mother’s spirit. So in a way it was like losing Mommy all over again. Maike called me from the vet minutes before Loli was put to sleep so I could say my goodbyes via FaceTime. Loli reacted to my voice, her little eyes questioning and searching for me, scared and confused. Painful though it was, I knew it was time to let go and end her suffering. It was a struggle to keep my composure during work, and I think I masked it pretty well, but I was also surrounded by my three angels who had my back and provided the much needed comfort.

The Beatitudes are my foundation, and living by them is a life-long pursuit to achieve that elusive integrity that so many ignore these days. You know how you spend so much time putting a puzzle together and wonder at some point if you will ever get all the pieces to fall into place? There are instances where you want to simply walk away and throw in the towel, abandon the project altogether, but then you realise that you atually really do want to see it all come together and rejoice over the integrity of the picture. You keep working on it, never giving up, having faith in yourself, the ability to see it through even though some pieces don’t make sense, but then realise you need to work on other parts first in order for that one particular piece to fit in at the right time.