Restless

Do you know that feeling of being exhausted, emotionally drained, and hollow? It is like a huge dark shadow from a nightmare that has come alive and insists on swallowing me whole.

I am restless, eager to break free and simply sail away, but where to? My bucket list is long, funds are low, obligations are high, and at the moment the list of things (and people) I don’t want in my life anymore is alarmingly long. But what do I want? Ha! That is the million Euro question, to which I have no answer at the moment. All I know is that I envision myself being the fisherman in the boat sailing to an unknown port to write the next book.

I was somehow drawn to the two photographs above, my personal favourites from the Pursuit of Light series, and it struck me how this summarises everything in my life: On the verge of light and darkness, ready to move on, but still hesitating, waiting for the wind to chart my course.

Lately it seems as though each time I build something, a storm comes crashing in and knocks strength right out of me. Is there no end to testing my resilience and courage? I suppose it is just a case of impatience, frustration, and a need for something spectacularly positive to happen to jumpstart the dormant and reluctant energy, or maybe homesickness has finally hit me, begging the question: where is home?