No matter where I look, the focus is on the end of the year, tying up loose ends and gearing up for 2018. Goodness knows that I cannot wait to end this year and put it all behind me. Two years of personal loss and upheaval is more than enough, thank you.
Every wall has its cracks and weak spots. These are the areas in my life where the tears and fears manage to seep through, often creating a bigger mess than it should be. Think positive, gather all your courage and you will get through the day – that is what I tell myself every morning. Sometimes I smile back at my reflection and believe in what I am telling it, on others I shout back that it is all a bunch of useless bullshit.
One day at a time, that is all I manage for the time being. I struggle to look forward and not dwell in the past, or not harbour any grand illusions for the future. Being alive, sane, and still in once piece are three very good reasons to be grateful, and keep my head up.
The greatest lessons I have learned in the few months:
- Money, important though it is, does not dictate the beat of your soul.
- The defining moments in your life are not always positive events.
- The dream job is not the one that lands in your lap from a company, but what you make out of combining talent, resources and passion.
- Tragedies, separations, discrimination and failure are valuable learning moments, not just test of character.
- There is a fine line between courage and stupidity.
- There is no shame in asking for help when you are down and out.
- I am stronger than I thought.
Up until December 2016 I thought death was my greatest teacher, only to find out in 2017 that fear and loneliness were even better.