We’ve all experienced moments when we yearn for approval, a pat on the back, or a kind word from others. It’s natural to seek validation—after all, as humans, we are social creatures who thrive on connection and acceptance. However, when we rely too heavily on external validation, we often find ourselves trapped in cycles of self-doubt, people-pleasing, and even self-sabotage. But here’s the truth: regardless of age and stature in life, true empowerment comes when we learn to validate ourselves from within.
External validation is the approval we seek from others. It’s the “likes” on social media, the compliments from friends and family, or the praise from coworkers. While these gestures can feel rewarding in the moment, relying solely on them to determine our worth can be dangerous. When we attach our value to how others perceive us, we give away our power, becoming dependent on them for our self-esteem.
On the other hand, internal validation is the practice of acknowledging and appreciating your own worth without needing anyone else’s approval. It’s the internal compass that guides you toward self-love, self-respect, and self-empowerment. Internal validation doesn’t mean you ignore others’ opinions, but it empowers you to stay true to yourself, regardless of external feedback. It’s about saying, “I am enough, just as I am.”
Far too nany of us fall into the habit of people-pleasing, often driven by a desire to be liked, accepted, or avoid conflict. This can manifest in small ways—like always saying yes to requests, putting others’ needs before our own, or going along with things just to avoid disappointing someone. While it might seem harmless, this pattern can lead to burnout, resentment, and ultimately, a loss of self-identity.
How do we stop? The first step is realizing that we don’t need to constantly seek external approval. We need to ask ourselves, Why am I saying yes when I don’t want to? The truth is, when we stop people-pleasing, we begin to honor our own needs, desires, and boundaries. It’s about trusting that you are worthy of respect and love, no matter what anyone else thinks.
Start with small steps:
- Set boundaries: It’s okay to say “no” without feeling guilty. Protect your energy and prioritize your needs.
- Affirm your own worth: When you catch yourself seeking validation from others, pause and remind yourself of your intrinsic value. You don’t need someone else’s approval to feel whole.
- Celebrate your own victories: Whether it’s a big accomplishment or a small win, take the time to acknowledge your efforts. You deserve to celebrate yourself!
Beware self-sabotage! This dark internal demon often appears when we feel undeserving of success or fear failure. We procrastinate, doubt ourselves, or even engage in behaviors that actively hinder our progress. This is often tied to a lack of internal validation. When we don’t believe we’re worthy of success or happiness, we unconsciously sabotage ourselves. Stop doing this to yourself! You deserve more, so much more. You are worthy of the best version of yourself.
The key to overcoming self-sabotage lies in self-compassion. When you learn to love yourself, flaws and all, you stop fearing failure because you know that mistakes are part of growth, not a reflection of your worth. Every challenge becomes an opportunity to learn, and every setback is just a stepping stone toward your greater potential.
- Shift your mindset: Instead of seeing mistakes as failures, view them as lessons. Reframe challenges as opportunities to grow.
- Be kind to yourself: Treat yourself the way you would treat a close friend— with understanding, patience, and encouragement.
- Celebrate progress, not perfection: Don’t wait until everything is perfect to feel proud of yourself. Every step forward is progress!
I challenge you to become your own hero in your narrative for the next 12 months. It’s easy to look outside of ourselves for inspiration, role models, or validation. But here’s the thing: the hero you’ve been waiting for is already within you. When you learn to validate yourself from within, you unlock your true potential and empower yourself to rise above challenges. You no longer need to wait for someone else to save you because you have the strength, wisdom, and resilience to save yourself.
- Trust yourself: Trust your instincts, your abilities, and your dreams. You have the power to shape your future.
- Embrace vulnerability: Being vulnerable isn’t a weakness—it’s a strength. It allows you to be authentic and courageous in the face of uncertainty.
- Lead with love: Lead with kindness—not only toward others, but especially toward yourself. The more love you give yourself, the more you have to share with the world.
Internal validation is the key to freedom. It’s the foundation of self-love, self-respect, and self-empowerment. When you learn to validate yourself, you no longer need to rely on the approval of others to feel worthy. You become your own source of strength and inspiration, rising up to become your own hero. Let today be the day you rise up, break free, and embrace the powerful hero within you.
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