Chapter 57: A Letter To My Younger Self

Dear Soul,

How many times have we wished that life came with a user’s manual? Half the time we got through the dark moments and fought the uphill battles on a wing and a prayer. There was no older sibling to comfort us or guides us through, there was no grandparent that we could call or run to simply because they lived on the other side of the world. But considering that we are celebrating our 57th trip around the sun today, I’d say we did a good job.

No, let me correct the previous statement – we did a damn good job surviving a traumatic childhood, constant relocation that involved new schools and finding new friends, not to mention having to learn new languages. Yes, we survived the surgeries, the taunts, the snickers, the hateful comments and isolation, the teenage years, the loneliness and depression. Hell, we even made it through menopause in one piece. Let’s not forget all the wonderful moments either, the ones that shaped us just as much as the difficult ones.

If I could live life on parallel dimensions like Dr. Who and give advice to our younger self with the wisdom of middle age, I would definitely tell myself:

Ignore the hateful comments and walk on with your head held high regardless of whether you meet society’s fickle standards or not, you are a beautiful human being who has so much more to offer the world than physical beauty.

That slim body that everyone wants you to maintain in order to be acceptable? That will fade and wrinkles and additional stubborn pounds will set in, but these do not define you. Generosity, kindness, loyalty, are far more important than looking good, because people will remember these attributes more than what you looked like in the cool outfit when you were 25.

Don’t cower behind duty and obligation. Learn to define your boundaries and to say no. We are raised to respect our elders and those with authority, and there is nothing wrong with that, as long as it is mutual. You have to be respected as well, and respect is something that always, always works both ways. It cannot be bought, and it definitely does not germinate overnight.

Understand the difference between needs and wants. There will be many things that you will yearn for and desire, either due to marketing or envy, but learn to identify your basic needs, the ones that your soul thrives on and build character. You may want a plethora of clothes and jewellery, but you need true friends and good neighbours more. You may want a high paying job or to be the CEO somewhere, but you need fulfilment and joy in your career, and this does not always come with money or titles.

Laugh at least once a day. It doesn’t matter whether you are alone or in the company of others, but make sure to find a reason to laugh genuinely at least once a day. It is cathartic and soul cleansing.

Try something new at least once a week. It doesn’t have to be a grand adventure, or even entail an expense. The point is not to stagnate in the same place for an extended period of time. Look at things from the other side of the room, window or even door, and don’t be afraid to experiment. If it doesn’t work out, then you can chalk it up to experience and move on.

Don’t fall in love with love. Fall in love with the person as they come into your life and don’t try to force them into a social mould that was artificially shaped by movies, advertising or social media. Fall in love with the person you accepts and respects you as you are, and is always willing to listen to your side. Change and growth should happen as a couple, and not because the other person insisted on the change.

Being loved by someone is a privilege, and never a notion that can be used, abused, or taken for granted. Understand that this applies to romantic and filial love alike, and remember that friendship, true friendship is the highest form of love.

Strive to be the answer. Don’t get forced into or get stuck in the notion that you are part of the problem. Instead, strive to learn, teach, empower, share, uplift yourself and others in order to find a solution.

The world does not revolve around you. Each one of us is a minute drop in the ocean of humanity, and whether we like it or not, everything we do affects others. You belong to intersecting social ecosystems that you will never be able to avoid – family, friends, life partners, colleagues, patients, clients, audience – and it is selfish and foolish to think that you are the centre and have a god complex. They are a part of your world and inasmuch as you are part of theirs. Respect it.

Forgive yourself. This is the hardest lesson to learn, but it is the key to forgiving others. Sometimes you will be late in forgiving the other person, but remember that you cannot force it upon yourself on them. Do not make the mistake of going through life chained to the past and unable to open up to new people and experiences simply because the shadows of doubt and spectres of pain loom over you. Seek help, reach out to others, there is no shame in that. You cannot shoulder everything on your own, and you will be surprised how many are eager to share, listen and help.

There is no such thing as “happily ever after” and don’t let anyone convince you otherwise. But open the doors happily, be ever mindful of your feelings and those of others, and even after they have gone from your life, treasure the memories.

Love yourself, you are worth it.
FrogDiva