Dear Universe,
It’s been a while since I last ranted about linguistics, so let’s get the first one of 2024 started shall we? You would think that after almost two years of living in Portugal I would be over my frustration of leaning the language, but I’m afraid that’s never going to happen. I wrongly assumed that for a polyglot like me, adding an eighth language to my roster would be a walk in the part, but I immediately recognised my folly the moment I landed in Lisbon.
I can’t stress enough how annoying it is not to be able to fall asleep in the bus, train or subway because I don’t understand the announcements of the next stops. I need to read them on the electronic display or the station in order to figure out where the devil I am. Portuguese is one of the most difficult languages after Thai that I have had to learn, and all because they insist on pronouncing things in a bloody different way compared to way it is written. Add the incorrigible accent that has a lot of mumbling mixed with shhhh sounds and long nasal a that is pronounced like eow, it all sounds like cats who lost their front teeth and are trying to explain to a dog why things are not the way they are. How many times have I thought to myself “porqué no lo pronuncian como Dios manda?” (why don’t they pronounce things they way God intended?).
I got the hang of it eventually, but I still have the issue that when I speak Portuguese I think in Italian, and vice versa. And when I run out of words in either language, then I bridge the gap with Spanish. The Brazilians around here think nothing of it and are happy to hear someone speaking Portuguese without the Iberian Jordi accent, so we get along just fine. As to the myth that Portuguese is Spanish with a Swabian accent? It doesn’t even come close! There are days I could swear I am back in the Basque Country with the unintelligibility of it all. The test of any language fluency is always the ability to carry on a phone conversation, but I have learned to shoot down a few telemarketing calls just fine!
What I can never wrap my head around are the words amendoim (peanut) and amêndoa (almond). In other languages the distinction between the two is very clear:
EN: peanut / almond
ES: cacahuate / almendra
FR: cacahuète / amande
DE: Erdnuss / Mandel
NL: aardnoot / amandel
and then comes Portuguese with amendoim and amêndoa, and neither one is pronounced the way it is written. It’s all fine and dandy if there is an image on the packaging to help jog memory, but otherwise you’re on your own here.
On the other hand, Portuguese can be a hilarious language. When shopping for cleaning items, for example, I came across something that was described as Tira Gorduras. I stopped and wondered whether this was a magical liquid that melted or pulled out fat, as my Spanish-thinking brain translated, because if so, I wanted an entire case of it! Sorry folks, it is just the grease remover for kitchen counters and stoves.
Then there is the expression barata tonta which doesn’t translate into stupid sale or ridiculous discount. It means silly cockroach and refers to a klutz or someone who is lost and confused. That’s me on some days.
Yours in amusement and anticipation of your next trick,
FrogDiva
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