Yesterday’s blog got my creative juices flowing, so here were are, on Part 2 of the Cravings Series. Intellectual cravings are something I learned to ignore while getting caught up in the daily rat race. Doing the laundry and cooking suddenly took precedence over reading a book, running errands and paying the bills were more urgent than visiting a museum or a lecture. The money that could have been used for a an educational trip was used instead for repairs or medical emergencies.
Beginning to sound familiar?
Welcome to my world.
If it were not for this blog, I would have fallen into the abyss of the ordinary, and that would have undoubtedly spelled the death of me in more ways than just intellectually. I do not stand for small talk, never could and never will, and categorically refuse to be categorised as “normal”. OMG, how boring is that?! Strive to be different and not just stand out, but rise above the others said my father, and my mother introduced me into the world of the socially controversial and taboo. She was a nurse who saw a lot and was not afraid to talk about it or try to make a difference somehow, so I learned to sink my teeth in matters that went beyond the boarders of superficial politeness. Ask the tough questions, hunt down the answers, travel to the source, do anything except sitting on the couch to absorb the media nonsense hook, line and sinker. Don´t waste your time and saliva on those who are not worth it, she said over and over. This applies to books, movies, exhibits and social events. Yes, you could say I have a very discriminating taste, but in my book, entertainment must have a moral or intellectual value attached to it. I don’t want to superficially entertained with shallow bullshit that the film and television industry likes to dish out. My mind needs to be challenged with social issues, my emotions taken on a roller coaster throughout the plot, and in the end, there has to be a learning experience. So yes, there are days I truly struggle with finding something to watch on Netflix…
I’m beginning to sound like an impossible bitch and a snob, but at my age, and after everything I have gone through in the last five years, I am done with hollow experiences. I push myself, my limits, and certainly don’t shy away from a challenge, whether it be learning a language, a skill, or simply navigate my way through a ridiculously complicated web of bureaucracy. Sure, I will stumble and fall (and fall apart), but that is the whole point about accepting the challenges.
This is also how I ended up with a photography website and this blog, both a shots in the dark, and learning something new every day. My limits are challenged at every turn with the technique, the perspective, the opinions, and the research. Many of my blog entries require research, and thorough research at that, in order to establish credibility and accountability. Photography? It is not about technique, but having the discerning eye. I can shoot with a disposable point-and-shoot for all I care, but learning to seize the moment makes all the difference.
Idleness is good from time to time in order to rest and recover, but my mind never sits still. If it did, I would never have churned out the books and plan even more books for the next years. Self-publishing was interesting and certainly there were many lessons learned, but now that a publisher has my back, a whole new horizon is within reach. Calculated or not, if the risk tickles my intellectual curiosity, why not pursue it?
So what does my mind crave for at this moment?
I desperately need time to do everything on my list and learn everything I still want to learn. Six languages are not enough, and there are still so many pages to write, scenes to shoot and lessons to learn.
To be continued…