How To Be A Diva (as dictated by my cat)

My dwarf Persian cat Champagne may look like an adorable ball of fur, but she is every bit the CatDiva and is getting better at it by the day! She’s got people falling for her charm on several continents and she knows it, milking it for all it’s worth. So now she has me playing secretary to her cattishness, letting the world know how best to behave like a diva… FrogDivas apparently don’t do a good enough job at it.

Champagne Trails ©MTHerzog
  • Size doesn’t matter: you can be a diva if you are short or tall, it’s how you carry yourself that matters, not what you flash.
  • Sit perfectly still: even if you are sleeping with your eyes wide open, everyone else will think you are contemplating something extremely profound and will be of the opinion that you must be very wise.
  • Never beg: don’t push your way to the front to beg and make a fool of yourself with the clumsiness and noise. Sit quietly to the side and stare intently at the person with the food without batting an eyelid.
  • High seats make you look regal: avoid squatting on low stools, they are very unbecoming of a diva. Be prim and proper, squeeze your buttocks as tightly as you can so you fit on the small perch and not flop sideways. Fix your tendrils and adjust the make-up if you must, but always with dainty movements.
  • Keep your voice down: no need to whisper either, but gentle, soothing tones will get others to do so much more for you instead of being a yappy loudmouth.
  • Maintain your dignity: if you trip or slip, or knock something over, glide away gracefully with your head up high, stop after five steps, turn around, wink and apologize. Fix the hairdo again.
  • Never admit you are lost: walk confidently and softly even if you have absolutely no clue which direction you are headed. If you get desperate and hopelessly lost, stop, sit, and plead silently with you big eyes but never bow your head.
  • Don’t gobble your food: when presented with your meal at home or in a restaurant, contemplate it for as long as politeness allows or until your host begins to fret ever so slightly. Then nibble in tiny bites.
  • Delegate: don’t ruin that fancy manicure or scratch the pedicure if you can get others to do the heavy work for you.

The CatDiva has declared the dictation finished. I have been dismissed.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.